6 years

I can't believe that it has actually been six years. It's amazing how quickly time goes by and at the same time it feels like it all happened yesterday. So much has happened in the last six years of my life. I went on a mission, got married, had a baby, and moved to AZ. All without her.

Going on a mission was an amazing experience and one I will never forget. I found myself in England and did a lot of soul searching, but not one day went by that I didn't wish to get just one letter from her or get to speak with her on Mothers day. Its funny to think that Eric is the only person in my whole family who never got to know her or even meet her. I think that Mom and Eric would have gotten along so well! She would have loved him and would have been so happy for me. I remember the Christmas before she pasted walking around temple square. I was looking up at the temple and she came to me and put her arms around me and with her mother's intuition said to me "Don't worry. You'll get there someday." It was hard planning a wedding without her and then getting sealed without her there. I think the hardest part has been having Gavin and not having her be there. It makes me sad that he will never know her and that I will never see them together. When I look at Gavin, watch him grow and learn, especially when I watch him as he sleeps I thank God that I'm so blessed. There was one night when she was sick that she wanted me to sleep with her. I remember laying pretending to be alseep as she put her hand to my face and just watched me. I know she must have been thinking the same thing. I am so grateful for that moment, for that memory. I also know that if she where still here I would most likely not have moved to AZ.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of her and miss her. Then again there was never a time on my mission where I didn't feel her presence close. She was my consent companion. She never left my side. I could especially feel her close in the temple. I know that it was her strength and example that got me through those hard times. She had the strongest testimony and was the best example. Even though she wasn't there physically in the temple the day I got married I know without a doubt that she was there in spirit. And I know she was there holding my hand the day Gavin was born. Although its hard not to have her to call when I need help being a mom, I know that all I have to do is remember what an amazing mother she was to me and how much she gave of herself for her children. She was so giving and kind and funny. She was the best mom any kid could ask for. I hope to be just like her.

She was the most amazing person I have ever met. She gave so freely of herself. Now that I'm a mom myself it makes me look at her in a completely different light. She was remarkable. She accomplished so much. She knew how to live. She knew how to love. And she definitely knew how to laugh. She made life easy for me. She pasted the test. She made it home to our Father in Heaven. I am so grateful to both my parents for their temple marriage. I know that because of that I have a chance to be with her and my family forever. Now I just have to do my part. I have to past my test. Looking back to that horrible day six years ago. Sitting there holding her hand as she left me, I made a promise to myself that not a day would go by where I wouldn't do my best for her. I'm so grateful for the Gospel and the knowledge that it gives me. For the knowledge that I can return home to a loving Father in Heaven and that I can see my Mom again. So there's just one more thing I'd like to say in this very long blog.... I love you mom! I miss you! And I will keep my promise!